negativelypositive

my final post.

2005-04-10T01:25:00.000-07:00

this will be my final post on this blog.
i know the pic's a little eRr..
CHEEKY.
but hey.
i like it leh.
let me be cheeky for once .
:)))
so tata
my beloved
old
longest-time-w/out-post
sweet
but scruffy
tortured
banged-up
blog.
farewell.

say heelloo to my new blog.

i have MOVED!

my dead blog.

2005-03-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

my dead blog.
my poor dead blog.
hahah.i am gna relocate soon.
still thinking of a name.
hmm.
anyway.
im gna get a new COMP!!!
waha.
pentium 4.
FINALLY.
im been using that stupid pentium two comp for ages.
and its gna be on my study table.
cool.
so i guess i'll update next when i get my new comp fixed up.
and knowing my father,it wont be long.
:)))))
k lah.
so sit tight.
and wait for my next entry.
diao.
haha.
oh yah.
just wanted to say.
im gna FAIL chinese.
aha.
and that i am ~~quite~~ very satisfied at the state my life is currently in.
and lim ying, thanks for the moving cross. +
hahahaah.
love ya.
and love YOU.
haha.
*mwah*
bye for now.

-i think we're going somewhere, we're onto something good here.

the day after x-country.

2005-03-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

ystd had so much fun sia..only setback is that run until no breath..came in 59th place in "B"girls..aiyah to tell the truth i dont care..i ran cos i wanted to exert myself=)..yeah..ms wong's an angel..she walked with me and held my arm when i was abt to fall..hahah..so funny..i wanted to let go but she kept saying..u stable first then i let u go..after the thing walked with hsien yung kor, tuck heng, marcus and joshua i think..walk from macritchie all the way to bishan station..joshua walk like ah beng lidat..haha..me and marcus took the train home..alightd ataljunied..walk halfway suddenly rain..waha..and the rest is history=p..

today was a sleepy day..every period like wna sleep lidat..me and lim ying so guai..whole day nv write conversation..during chem mrs loh kept staring at us..like got eye problem..hai..bio was okay but cos i dint bring my specs i cldn't see a darn thing..then all interest lost liao..was doing english journal..then had eng comprehension test..rushed through it..think i did well though..left sch for 5mins and came back..hahah..CaiX and Justina shld noe..hahah..and justina u owe me two bucks..im broke:(..hahs..stayed in drop in and accompained mrs lee..stupid nam dint let me haav some of his roti john but anyway it was covered with chilli..eww..stayed for awhile until SOMEBODY came in..then i faster zhao..ran to the mrt station and hurried home..

im crying.
why am i crying.
i dont wanna cry.
i dont wanna cry.
i dont wanna think abt it.
i.
dont.
wanna.
think.
abt.
it.

outdoors.

2005-02-26T21:09:00.000-08:00

wooh..sec three camp was quite a blast..although the campfire was the worst i've been to..first day was running around like silly fools in labrador park..really fun..my group members were zul, melvin, zhi hian, lim ying and me..we started off as the last grp then ms lam chased us to walk faster then we started to run..zul was the gentleman..he kept asking us(me and lim ying) wheter we were okay and if we needed to take a rest anot..hah..zhi hian arh..hai..nth to say..he's the opposite of zul..ask him carry my bottle also dun wan..and kept chasing me to walk faster when i was already dying..melvin was running here running there..all i know is that he is really bony..esp at his hips..hah..cos he piggybacked me:)..then zul piggybacked me sometime later..we were the last grp to reach the ending point..haha..on the way back to camp we were racking our brains for the longest word we cld form..lim ying won it though-THESSALONIANS..haha..ingenious, right?..aft that was lunch..ate like pigs..heehx..it was followed by abseiling and flying fox..i did flying fox..all of us had to wear this helmet and a harness..i felt a little like a construction worker..hah..flying fox was cool..i stepped off the platform and just flew all the way down..joel caught my feet and dragged them to the ladder thingy..aft that sat at the side and watched the others do the abseiling..and chit chatted with my class pple..that was followed by rock climbing..i was one of the first to do..the rocks were scorching hot..i had holes on my fingers by the time i was done..after that helped the helpers with belaying..then it was reflection time..we played on this see-saw thingy..and abt 15pple were on it..when ms lam called for us to gather,those on one side of the see-saw got off..then the rest fell..waha..so funny..they were like a heap on the grasspatch..we had dinner and then it was time for night activities..that's wad it said on the timetable..turned out to be a bunch of games..very lame de..dint even know wad cassandra was talking abt..i hear her shouting smth then everybody stand up..then the next thing i know they're on the ground doing the *dying cockroach*..-_-"!..shant bother to bore you with the rest..

2nd day.woke up feeling i slept on metal bars..had bread and butter for breakfast:)..took the bus down to kallang for dragonboat..almost fell asleep in the bus..took a long walk to the kallang sea sports centre with a few detours..we had to spilt into three groups..my group had 9girls, 1boy..and 1 wacky instructor by the name of patrick..he joked with us all the way..and by the way, tiffanie..the red thingy is actually the bailer..not "the kong"..wahaha..paiseh..say wrongly..raced back to shore..and we won!..woot!..spongebob rawks!..hahah..went back dripping wet..we wet the seats of the bus..and almost slept again on the way back..reached camp and had lunch..aft that we had roller-blading..i got pushed to the "know-how-to-skate" side..when all i knew was to move a few steps without falling..ended up having the time of my life there..so fun..i cant wait to skate again..haha..had CRC after that..managed to do two of the activities..quite shuang..up there..look down no more shuang liao la..haha..helped the belayer aft i came down..and cheered on the rest of my friends up THERE..hahah..had quite a weird campfire aft that..i was super tired by then..no voice also..did nothing..just sat there..so sian..the candles were beautiful..they were arranged in a star shape..nice..rushed to bathe after that..fell asleep quite late..at abt 1am..

i am going to sleep.i really forgot everything that happened on the last day..i'll try to remember..hahahah..gdnite..

v week.

2005-02-19T13:53:00.000-08:00

i havent been blogging for quite awhile now..so i guess i'd blog smth..the last wk has passed by in a whirlwind of events..and its gone before i can even live it..or so it seems..nxt wk is sec three camp already..so fast..and i havent packed!..argh..but im definately not gna bring the bed sheet cover thingy..forgot wad it is liao..and i have to dig through my storeroom for the long-lost sleeping bag..yeah..anyway..back to my week..monday was v-day..first part of the day dint feel like v-day AT ALL..we sec threes were stuck in the shaw hall watching some PCK total defence sitcom..it was funny though.."aiyah..singapore so small..the bomb will miss us one lah.."hah..then we went back to class in time for JJ's lesson..kana scolding..as usual..no lights..no fan..so darn hot..recess i went to mrs lee's rm to disturb her:)..ate sugar biscuits, drank cold water and enjoyed air con..haha..jealous, anyone?..jk..aft recess the lights n air-con were turned on..lucky seh..if not can die liao..hmm..okaye..enough abt mon..tues nothing much happen..just the day aft v-day..according to lim ying and i..haha..we were writing conversations in class..so fun..to date i think we have 5sheets of conversations plus one doodle page..waha..tuesday got P.E..ran six rounds around the field..so tiring..played softball too..whacked the stand instead of the ball..waha..then i think i alomost broke the stand cos i whacked so hard..k lah update the rest some time later..peilin wants to use the com..haha..ciao..

Indescribable, uncontainable
you placed the stars in the sky and u know them by name..
you are amazing, God..

i love you too much to say.

2005-02-07T10:26:00.000-08:00

i have nothing to say.except that i am so darn crazy in love.and i'm lovin it.i dont care what other people will say anymore.i love him too much.haha.if YOU are reading this, i just wanna say I LOVE YOU.*muaks!*..waha..im being lame.nitez.

oh my gosh.

2005-01-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

okayye..im back..no chinese tuition today!..yeahhs!..this week was weird....i was sick since last thursday...sneeze and sneeze the whole week..all thnks to lim ying and my sis lah..spread germs to me..hai..on sunday hazel chien hui bernice n me made kor ching lan angry..he had this really-pissed off look on his face lor..kinda freaky..aft that hazel had a one-to-one session with ching lan and she came out crying..we went to the market and we all tried to lighten up the mood by joking around...after lunch we went back to church and sat at the foyer..priscilla do hwk..i helped her to do..wahaha..then at abt three yq pris marcus and me left for the mrt..pris and marcus accompanied me home..kana scolded by father when i got home..sian..lucky dint get grounded..monday was funny..i had no voice so i cldnt sing at chapel prac..so i just stood there and hummed..lame hor..then went back to drop in go disturb mrs lee..haha..then go library do hwk..so guai hor..dunno why now even ppl i dunno oso know me leh..suddenly so many ppl know me..must be that stupid mr teo lah..grr..sat in the library for a while and chit-chatted then got walked to the mrt station..tuesday chapel mrs chng forced me to sing..but my mike no sound..wahaha..so shermain sang by herself..was extremely sick that day..sick until almost fainted during assembly..i was covered in cold sweat..and my eyes were like blurry the whole day..got shocked aft recess..sat in class and stared at the wall for two whole periods..hah..then geog lesson i cannot tahan liao..stomach pain, headache and fever seh..so i went down to the sick bay..slept there for one hour plus..very shiok..alot of teachers came in and asked me wheter i was okay..haha..went back to class during jj's period..wish i dint sia..he made my headache magically come back..aft that went for IT lesson..so darn sian..all do before..some photo editing thingy..aft that went to the netball court there and watched the archer hse practice..then got walked to the mrt again..wahahah..tuesday night i slept really early...9plus sleep liao..wednesday felt much better..kana saboed by mrs lee..to become vice-head of agape club..suay..hahah..today was kinda stupid..went out of sch then went back..and got walked to the mrt..again...

abt the shock..haha..for me to know and you guys to find out..HAHAHAHHA..25th..hmm..

miss u lyk crazy.

2005-01-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

this week was as usual..FUNN!..wahah..monday was a blast..running in the rain..hahah..thanks to u-know-who-u-r...i loved monday..tuesday was funny too..sang for chapel..then mrs lee kept stopping us..after that we jammed..and we invented the jazz version of "i know a place"..very cutee..hahah..wednesday was okay..new members in agape club..some of them i remember from primary sch..esp cherry..she's as cute as ever..=)...i fell sick though..and am still sick now..sighs..today supposed to go out de..in the end cannot..but i dun care..nothing's gna keep me frm attending church on sunday..im gna get well by then(i hope)..my letter-box gna explode liao..wahah..all thnks to him lah..aiyoh..gotta buy a new one..or find one..okayy..im toking crap..hai..wad do u expect frm a sick, mad, lovesick girl?...hahah..okayy..i'll better go now..before i blurt somemore crap..byee.

"come stop ur crying it will be alright..
just take my hand hold it tight.."

life the way i see it.

2005-01-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

out of the mess my life my life is currently in now..at least i had one of the best wks of my life..i did alot in the past wk..had fun(very rare)..and actually laughed with meaning..im not feeling well now thou..feeling insecure..small..worthless..and sick..

a few things i wna say.

1)stop pissing me off.or one day i wldnt b able to laugh it off and you'll get a taste of the real me.

2)pleeze stop suaning me and him.makes us both feel very awkward.

3)dont pity me.dun feel sorry for me.cos i feel sorry for myself.and that's enough.

4)i wna thank those who made my life livable.u shld noe who r u guys.the ones who make me smile and laugh with abandon..make me crappy and listening to all my nonsense.i love you.*muah!*..heheh.

cant think of anyth else to say..so i guess i'll end here.waiting for his call.bye.

"...draw me close to you..
never let me go..."

sob

2005-01-16T04:02:00.000-08:00

i feel that im deprived.
i never get to go out when i want to.
i have never tasted real love.
i am always working hard.
but never getting good results.
kinda wasted actually.
i am always waiting.
i look like s***.
i feel that im missing out on alot of my youth.
im wasting it away on studies and crap.
soon i'll be an old hag.
wearing mis-matched clothes.
and teeth all dropping out.
okay..that's besides the point.
but still..hai..alot of things i wna say..
but i cant say it here.
i am always pretending.
i wear a different mask out everyday.
here am i.
miss andrea tan zhi ying.
sobbing my heart out to a unfeeling machine(the com) in front of me.
what is the world coming to?.
i hate my life.
truly.
madly.
deeply.

living life without meaning has no meaning.

secrets and lies.

2005-01-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

letters.now i look forward to reading one each day.some brighten up my day=)..others leave me shocked and "stupefied"...but still...these letters have told me much..things i dint know..things i dint wanna know..looking forward to your next letter..dont disappoint me..

anyway..today the first day of sch..came to sch..pretended i dint see him..then almost went back to class instead of going to the shaw hall..cos i tot i was still sec2..bleahx..it'll take awhile to getting used to being the "junior-half-of-the-upper-sec" a.k.a sec three..form teacher ms lam yk..in case anyone wants to noe..she's named after a tree that grows on the moon..yuit kwai or smth lidat lahh..kinda lame..and she toked and toked for like 5periods loh..wa liaoo..candy was like.."im gna sleep..cannot open my eyes liao.."hahaha..mr johnny joseph is the co-form-teacher..he came into the class with this really funny grin on his face..and everybody was laughing..wahaah..then aft that was recess..went with justina they all..met almost all our teachers..then i went down to the wesley hall for chapel band prac..so funn lohh..first song we play was "now that you're near" i tink..then very messy and jumbled..aft that it was better..then we played "consuming fire"..now that song is B-E-A-UTIFUL..seriously..we kept singing loh..we repeated the bridge like 14-15 times or smth..then the chorus also kept repeating..im addicted loh..its a really meaningful song..i tried to stretch my vocal chords to reach the highest pitch but i cldnt..guess the lack of practice during the hols affected my voice..nvm..now i will train my voice..again..in time for the arts nite audition..yeah..then i left for home..when i was walking around the bend just outside the sch..he suddenly came to me..thru the bars lahh..and talked to me..i saw him run lohh..wad that means?..i dunno.really..put im hoping it meant smth..cos it did.to me..anihoo..i gtg..

-stir it up in our HEARTS Lord..a PASSION for your name..

new year's day.

2005-01-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

2nd jan.2nd day of jan.sunday.bleahx..im crappy to myself..i got to know him much better these hols..he's actually quite sweet..no matter wad everyone else says..heh..well..i've said wad i have to say..its all up to him now..the "shock" was quite satisfying..he had this stunned look on his face loh..according to pei..thnks hor opl..i cldnt have done it w/out you..*muakies*..gtg now..update nxt time..ciao..

-its the way you make me FEEL.

survey.

2004-12-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

Me, Myself and I...
#01: name? andrea tan ZY.
#02: age? 14!!finally..3days ago.
#03: b'date? 271290
#04: eye colour? hazel-brown
#05: hair colour? brown with strands of black and gold.
#06: shade of skin? face:fair..body:tann.
#07: hobby?reading, play guitar,music!,computer.

Likes...
#08: food? tofu, potatoes, DARK chocolate.
#09: drink? blueberry aloe vera drink.
#10: colour? purple,black,blue,pearl white,khaki.
#11: sport? swimming,bowling and running.
#12: brand? billabong,quiksilver,rip curl,giordano.
#13: cartoon? hi-5!!
#14: tv show? CSI!!, smallville
#15: movie? the italian job, ocean's eleven,bad boys2.
#16: singer? usher,celine dion,mariah carey,nelly,michelle branch,jay chou.
#17: band? simple plan,black eyed peas,linkin park,lilix!...HILLSONG N PLANETSHAKERS!
#18: song? just lose it, yeah, my boo, qing tian=), welcome to my life, hey mama,shut up, wo men de ai, ONE WAY,shout your fame.

Me and My Friends...
#19: best female friend? bernice!=)
#20: best male friend? hmm..got a few..marcus,cliff,ben..tink got somemore leh.aiyah heck lahh.
#21: friend who's gone through most hard times with you? me,myself and i.
#22: friend who's gone through most good times with you? chapel band crew + qlcyf.
#23: name your cliques from school? divinia, yang cheng, edward, tommy, justina, marcus,tiffanie,beverly,shermain,lynn,
madeline,joyce
#24: name your cliques from church/outside? bernice,hazel,peilin,priscilla,cliff,marcus,yq,
stacy,chien hui,mavis.

Crushes...
#25: who's your latest crush? hmm..most of u all shld noe bah.
#26: how many guys/girls have you ever had a crush on? hmm..guys lahh.duh..lemme count..1..2..3..4!!
#27: who's your very first crush? someone called ben.but duno where he go liao.
#28: ever went out on a date with any of your crushes? yupp.plenty=)
#29: ever kissed your crush? one only.

Choices...
#30: pepsi or coke? neither.
#31: day or night? night.so romantic..aww..
#32: computer or gameboy? comp.
#33: tv or computer? comp.
#34: summer or autumn? autumn.
#35: water or fire? water.
#36: air-con or fan? duh..wad u tink?
#37: dry or wet? wet.
#38: friends or enemies? friends.
#39: kisses or hugs? both=)
#40: pigs or monkeys? monkeys.heeheehee.
#41: zoo or bird park? neither.

Habits...
#42: smoke? NO
#43: drink? drink water counted?
#44: drugs? NO
#45: piercings or tattoos? i wanna pierce my ears.
#46: ever tried any dangerous movements? hmm..being overturned in the water by ben kor.wahahaah.my ears were waterlogged for quite a while aft that.
#47: arson? i wish man..muahahah..

hope you know me better liao=)..

-come on, come on, move a little CLOSER.

belated.

2004-12-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

the past two days me not really in a gd mood so i dint manage to tell u abt my christmas gifts=)..and my bday..today in a slightly better mood so i'll tell u lahh..

christmas gifts..

-makeup set?!!
-brain doerksen guitar songbk + two christian cds.
-one cute "lamb" pencilcase.
-candy tin.
-toy dog.
-3 esprit blouses.
-u2 skirt.
-esprit skirt.
-soap teddies=)

birthday gifts..

-converse bag.
-teddy pillow!
-blue pencilcase.
-blue adidas watch.
-esprit dress.
-star mousepad n star wrist pad.

misc..

-DARK chocolate covered apricots.
-furry doggy hp holder[took frm marcus=)]

yeahh.that's abt all..and a lot of missed calls and smses and cards=)..

on my bday i went to www with my parents n sis..met wei liang there..he and chinese congregation ppl were there..so darn funn..but until now still muscle ache everywhere..in www got one pool thingy rite..the "tsunami" if im not wrong..yeah..then my father swim until very far liao..my sister oso want to follow..then she started to cry..so i climbed into the float and made her sit on me..then my mother pushed us to the 1.5 mark..then the wave thingy started..my sister got scared and wanted to climb out of the float..i forced her not to until she started crying..again.then i took a water gun and squirted water into her face then she started laughing-_-"!..then there was this shuai lifeguard at the bottom of the duno wad ride..forgot liao..he caught me..if not i wld have fallen head-first into the water..wahahah..then he ask me if i was okay..i smiled at him=)..hahahah..aft that it was raining cats n dogs..lucky when we reached hm it was only drizzling..or i doubt we cld even get out the car..yahh..had my fav dishes for dinner..tofu..potatoes..and alot more lahh..my sister loved the bday cake..cos the cake had alot of cream on top..she went around and collected the cream that we all didnt want and ate until her face was smeared with cream..hehehh..talked on the fone with somone until 11plus..then signed online..and everybody was like.."andrea!!happi birthday!!"..hahah..thanks to those who wished me happy bday..hehehe..

hmm..tmw is new year's eve..time to make my new year's resolutions..

1)work hard.dun play so much.
2)teach my two "disciples" guitar=)
3)give myself voice lessons so i can sing better.
4)exercise 4 times a wk.
5)do qt more often.
6)strengthen my faith in christ.
7)play/sing well for nxt yr's sec3 chapel band=)

-i give you my HEART.broken and bruised.

isnt something missing?

2004-12-29T05:44:00.000-08:00

what am i to do now?my broken shattered heart.you're torturing me.i cant take it.seeing you everyday..being close to you..knowing that you treat me as a friend..its driving me nuts..talking abt the girl you like, flirting with other girls..always drives a sharp pain into y heart until it becomes hard to breathe..im jealous..yes i admit..why the hell did i even fall for you in the first place?..i have asked myself so many darn times but i can never find a logical answer to it..if God planned this to teach me a lesson or smth i'd say..God you have done well..you have succeded to do the thing that no one has ever managed to accomplish..and that it to make me cry from 12am all the way to 3am..i duno what you're planning..and i dont care..cos no matter how much hurt and pain its gonna cause me..im still gonna hold on..i cant give you up..i cant.i wont.im too stuck on you..you may not love me but you cant stop me from loving you..i dont know what i would if you do..but it means that you'll be happy..i'd trade your happiness for my sorrows..but now i feel hollow inside..as if someone cut me open and took out everything inside..something's-someone's-missing now..half of my heart is gone..and the other is not gonna hold on for much longer..

-cos' i'll remember EVERYTHING you said.

christmas!!

2004-12-25T08:20:00.000-08:00

man...i love christmas..ystd so funn..play with the candles in the candlelight service..then after that went downstairs..mingle around like hazel they all lah..dint stay long aft the service..then i left for my cousins'(charlene and gerald) hse..i went there and met charlene and gerald's church frens..got this guy called jeff..his guitar plucking very pro loh..charlene's guitar was untuned-as usual.hah..so we play guitar in the room until 12plus..then we wished each other merry christmas..we left soon after..and i came home cldnt sleep so i went to read my bk until i fell asleep at 3plus with the bk still in my hands..hah..today morning wake up at 8plus..tired seh..go church..was a little late..sat with the "gang"(marcus priscilla hazel chien hui peilin)..then that marcus kept spoiling all the songs..cos he dint sing then i asked him to sing and he sang so awfully..*bleah*..then he nth to do go play hp games during the sermon..and hazel kept "nodding" to slp..and i lent her my shoulder to lie on..she lied on the shoulder bone..hurt me like siao..but ish okay..yahh.the sermon was funny sia..pastor strauss has this funny way of saying "beautiful"..and pastor chia(correct anot?) kept making jokes in the middle of the sermon..the service ended and we went downstairs to the reception..and tommy came-BIG SUPRISE.and in the middle of our lunch..cliff called!!!!..on priscilla's fone..then we kept passing around the fone and priscilla was screaming..'oi...give me back the fone!!!"..so funny...then the gang plus tommy n yuki n gordon went.."somewhere.."hahah..then i wrote my name there..and then edwin discovered us..and we wrote his name there too..i left church soon after and went to visit charlene's "wai-gong" in the hospital..poor old guy..he slipped and fell ystd..and aft that went to BOB's..my aunt's shop..to visit her..my father bought for me my christmas present-a watch..its dark blue and kinda unusual..yupp..then came home..yupp..havent opened my presents..hahah..
gonna go open..i update later..ciao..

shout your fame.

some say you're just a good man
some say you were kind
some say you are in the grave
i say you're alive

some say you're just a prophet
some say you were wise
some say you were just a man
i say you are GOD
you are my GOD!!

i will shout your fameto all the earth
i will lift your name on high
and the world will know your greatness
you are my GOD
jesus i will shout your fame to all the earth
i will lift your name on high
i will show the world your goodness
as i live a life that shouts your fame!!

i know you're the messiah
you gave your life for me
and i know you're the only way
jesus you are my GOD
you are my GOD!!!

Jesus i decide to live
live a life that shouts your fame..

-shouting HIS fame!!

christmas eve.

2004-12-24T14:52:00.000-08:00

merry christmas eve to everyone out there..omgosh.so crap.tonite got candlelight service..play with the candles..muahahahah...i have like so many cards to give..and pressies too.."santarina's coming to town"..heeh..hai..cliff has left singapore liao..kinda miss him..dint get a chance to send him off cos his flight was 1230am..i tink i was snoring by that time..i tink in one way im glad i dint go..if not i'll be crying rivers of tears..then make him dunwan to leave..hahh..yupp.then on monday i went out with y cousin, sis and two aunts..we practically walked the whole of orchard road that day lor...first i met my cousin at wisma then walkwalk..then met my aunts at shaw centre..go isetan orchard and my cousin bought me my christmas cum birthday present-a beautiful brown skirt-from esprit that cost $69.90..so expensive loh..my cousin told me..u better wear hor..if not i'll kill you..she works in causeway point i tink..go find her in swensens-her name is charlene tan.hahh.jkjk..yah..then my aunts bought for me a "businesswoman" shirt..got collar de lah..and one dress-suprisesuprise!-i hav to wear it on christmas day(tmw).darn.yahh.then my aunts sent me home, i changed and rushed off to the kids games reunion dinner..at salvation army bishan..i was late("as usual"-according to hazel)..then we had dinner there..the food was nice except for a tray filled with brown lumpy balls which were supposed to b potatoes but they looked kinda freaky... when we finished our dinner hazel made us( me, stacy) play "heart attack" with her..then whoever lost had to eat those funny-looking potatoes..me and hazel saboed stacy and she had to eat lorh..but she only chew..then rush to the dustbin to puke it out..hahah..me and hazel laughed non-stop lor..and aunty winnie was looking at us..in the end aunty winnie finshed that plate of potatoes that we took...and she even said that it was delicious..hahah...okay...yupp that's abt all..gotta finish writing all those christmas cards-gasp!-i still have eight more to write..ciao..

"messing with my man is bad for your health...":)

book affair.

2004-12-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

i find that i am too sian to blog this few days and anyway i have been too busy to blog..ehh..yahh..anyway on saturday church had an event called books affair.so funn lorh..after the skit was over i felt so relived.met marcus at the aljunied station(the 4th time that wk) at 12plus then we took the train down to church together..then reach church see the last minute rehearsals..veri funni..we practiced a few times for feng nan to see..then mee marcus cliff yq and pris went to the market to have lunch..shotly later joined by hazel and chien hui who cunningly managed to squeeze me btwn yq and marcus..-_-"!..yah..then mabel bought durians and sat at the table next to us and stinked the whole place up..bleah.went back church and went to the "qlc bookstore" a.k.a the parish hall..then monkeyed around there:p hahah..i begged pris to piggyback me bud she no strength one..then after that cliff piggybacked me..he say i very light..hhah..then he run here run there with me..so funn..then i asked marcus to piggyback me..he walk very slow de..then i gave him the nick:"lau kok kok"..hahah..then we went downstairs and practised the skit again..got kinda pissed cos gotta keep doing again and again..and i switched back roles with hazel so i was mary again..sighs..then marcus left at abt six..he went for some reunion dinner with his frens from the philipines mission trip he went to..a while later mabel drew "pimples" on my face using red lipstick..and made me look like i had a serious case of acne..then stacy "spiked" her hair until she looked like sonic the hedgehog..hahahah...i paiseh then i dunwan to go outside..butthe "commonwealth icon" was going on so i peeked my head out of the window of the bolm hall..then i heard cliff scream like girl...wahahahah...then yq came into the bolm hall and asked wheter anyone got plastic bag to lend him cover his face..hahah...then cliff piggybacked me again..and we did stunt leh..kewl or what?..hahah..it went like this..first cliff piggyback me and walked then jump on the trolley which yq was pushing then we jump off..hahah..then when we did it for the rest to see we all fell..hahahah..then poor yq on the floor cannot get up lidat..his ear very red..then i kept asking him okay anot..he say his finger numb liao..hahahh...

anyway continue later.chinese-bleahx-tuition in 15min.ciao.

escaping.

2004-12-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

today so funn lorh.went for an "all girls' outing" with the gang.hahh.which is...hazel,peilin,chienhui,stacy and bernice.but gotta wake up so early.i woke up at 0700, and met peilin at the eunos mrt platform at 0815.as usual, bern was late.she woke up at 8 lorh.wahh she pro.ahhha.then we took the train down to pasir ris and met chien hui and hazel there.stacy went by herself.then we went to macs cos it was still early.the guys at the counter were weird.hah.yah.and so, we missed the bus and had to wait for the next one.we arrived at escape and i was trying to be cheeky and turn the "close" sign to the "open" side when suddenly the person in counter yanked the metal thingy up and my hand got caught in it.hahah.so paiseh..yah..we bought our tix and went in.we saw this chinese actress duno wad her name is lah.she like very dao lidat.hahh.look like snow white.face so pale.and bcos of that tv crew filiming their duno wad show they blocked off the viking loh.then we went to sit this family coaster thingy..wahh.its like a mini rollercoaster.i tink i injured my back.heh..the stupid seat backing so hard loh.me and stacy were singing "chekchek koleg" and we sing halfway start screaming le loh..hah.then i tinnk after that we went to sit alpha 8..that indoor rollercoaster.then we went into the air-conditioned waiting area which was fixtured with blue neon lights which made everything white look a cool blue colour.stacy's shoes were the best.i loved my shorts too.hahh.then we went into the ride itself..i was paired with peilin and we were screaming like hell lorh.when the vehicle-i-was-betting-my-life-on swooshed down, my butt flew off the seat lorh.and i tot i was gna die.and i screamed into peilin's ear..i tink..hahh.after that kinda giddy.then we went to sit pepsi revolution.long time nv sit.the metal was hot-to-the-touch and i was sitting with this other girl that kept giggling.-_-"!then when we went up i suddenly felt like puking.the girl next to me screamed and i screamed along with her.it was nice to vent my all my frustrations by shouting into the passing wind.yupp.then i came down and my feet were nearly scalded by the stupid metal platform.hah.after that we went to sit the flipper.gave me a giant headache.nothing else.the thing just kept spinning and spinning loh.damn giddy.then we went back to the viking.they still filming.darn them.then i forgot wheter we sat the wet and wild first or sat the viking.hah.duncare lah.the wet and wild arh..the only thing i can say is i closed my mouth and eyes and ducked my head down for the ride.hahha..and sang "row row row ur boat" oso..so funn.then the viking arh.oso sang song lorh.and pretendedd to be scared.so lame.after that we went to sit daytona beginner's go-kart ride..so cool man.then hazel say the advanced one looked nice so we went lorh.i was so suprised i cld even control the car lorh.i kept pressing onto the gas pedal and forgot abt the brakes=).

then we went for lunch at orange julius/bk.

then we went to sit daytona's go-kart ride again.but before that, me, hazel and stacy went to re-sit the pepsi revolution again.i sat with hazel.she kept saying so boring so boring but when the "thing" started to flip violently, she was screaming and laughing and screaming and laughing loh..actually i was too..ahhaha..then we wnet back to join chien hui and the rest hu were queuing at the go-kart there cos they scared they wld puke their lunch out.hahh.then after we sat thee go-kart we went to the rainbow thingy.chien hui was too short for the ride, and bernice accompained her, so left me hazel peilin and stacy loh.i sat with peilin and kept squashing her when the machine turned real fast.hah.then we sat again.we went to sit the ferris wheel after that.i tink.hah.that one very stupid.shant describe.

the rest me say tmw.i gotta slp.tmw need to b in church by 10am.*yawn*.ciao.

i want.

2004-12-13T04:23:00.000-08:00

i want:

NOT to be mary.
to be more tan.
bambi eyes.
violet eyes.
more books.
to learn drums.
to laugh more often.
cry less.
new comp.
soft toys=).
to be more artistic.
to live by the sea.
seashells.
my sis to grow faster.
to sing like mariah carey!!
black clothes.so goth.
bday faster come.
the truth.even though it might hurt.
a dogg!!
to be a pro guit player.
to listen to music in class(not possible).
slippers.
to make people laugh.
to have the ability to laugh at anyth.
no blemishes=perfect complexion.
silver necklace.
to read people's minds.
to be more consistent in my qt.
to make new friends.
to be free.
straight A's.
more sleeping time.
to be hugged.
to pass chinese.
to speak french.
to be MEAN.
to be contented with what i have.
to not want the things i CANNOT have.

"i am yours...
every part of me...
Jesus...you're the reason i live...
take my life lord...
use me as you will...
Jesus...you're the reason i live..."

ten.

2004-12-10T03:31:00.000-08:00

instructions: write 10 statements intended to different people.never tell which one is who.

1) you gave me my first slap.and the next few ones to come.why cant you control ur temper.what am i huh?..ur punchbag?i have feelings too okay..bcos of that crying has slowly started to become part of my daily routine.i hate you.i really do.is this what unconditional love feels like?if it is, then i DONT want it.

2) i really cherished the times we had together.the five days at camp were great and the church camp was too...having you flip me over ur shoulder-wooh!-so fun!..hah..yah..when i was crying..you helped me become stronger..the times we went to east coast and just crapped like crazy..and the time i accompained you all the way to bishan in the bus until i slept?..i miss those times you know..i wish i could relive them again and again..but since then, we've lost contact..i hope that maybe,maybe you will see this and if you do, call me.the number's still the same.

3) you little rascal.its always bcos of you that i get into trouble.if you listen to me maybe WE wont get into so much trouble kies?..but i still love you.*muackx*

4) hahahh.i passed chinese.so there.nothing to say liao rite?.

5) you helped me to control me.i have this tendency to lean toward the wild side, but you are the one who keeps me planted to the ground so that i do things the more sensible way.i appreciate that.really.but i just hope that you can just lighten up abit.sometimes.and learn to have some fun yah?..btw the library trip was the best sia...hahahh.

6) hello, NS boy! byebye, old you.when i was younger you would bring me on trips to sentosa and push me down the slope and i would go screaming all the way to the bottom, and when you brought me home you would get a scolding from my mum cos my whole face got sunburned:)...now you go NS liao become very boring..hah..bald head..(eee...) different attitude...but one things still the same..that cute little bolster on your bed..hahahahahah...miss you loads...visit soon okay?..

7) hey.im sorry.i really am.but i had no choice.its time to move on with life now and stop looking into the past, so lets just put the past aside and be friends okay?..that's all i ask from you..ohh..that and a bday present:)...

8) argh.God has really funny ways of doing things.my hormones act up when i see you..i blush when toking on the fone to you(according to glendys) and i just cant wait to see you..hahh..u also ah..very blur..until now still duno..or are you faking it.i have no idea.but im hoping by christmas i will.

9) i love you.and i noe you love me too.thankyou for all the love you've given me.

10) you grew from a small, little fat, chubby girl to the girl that you are today.battling all obstacles to get to where you are today.maybe some tyco one lah, but as long as you've tired your best, you shouldnt have any regrets.i'll be there to support you when you need me.just say the word, and i'll be there.

"so close...
i belive...
you're holding me now..
in you're arms...
i belong...
you'll never let me go..."

update.

2004-12-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

shit lah my stupid com first refused to work then refused to let me sign in to blogger.i tink my com is dying fast.gotta get a new comp for christmas..
yah my life arh very hectic this few weeks...go for sch pec camp then go for church children's camp to help those poor adults n then went for my church youth camp on the 30nov-2dec..damn funny sia..let me give u a chronicled sequence of events that happened in the youth camp.

1st day-

left for church at 11.45.met bernice at eunos mrt.she was later then me.heehee.took the train down to commonwealth n met peiling for lunch.then came back to church to register.play ic-breaker games then have group bonding time.my group name was GISHON.and i was like,"huh? wad shawn?"(at least better then some groups eg. PI'HON-"pi-pi-the-horn")after that we took a bus to aloha changi.in the bus i disturbed CM n YQ...kept borrowing penknife from CM..haha.then fell asleep and almost fell out of my seat when the stupid bus aburptly broke before turning.reached the chalet then go pack bags.the room was so darn big..then got air-con also...but the cupboards stank man..eww.after that we gathered and went to play mass captain's ball..very lame lorh...five groups play with two basketballs? and one lettuce/cabbage?..-_-"!...in the end arh..my grp dint even score a point sobsob..then bernice asked me to accompany peiling and her to go back to church for some mission trip thingy and so i went with her at 6plus and came back at 9plus, where we met our's and peiling's grps on their nightwalk on the way into the chalet..so we joined them lah.our group duno how they walk one arh, ended up in changi village then we go buy drinks.we were looking for this church by the name of "st. george's chapel"...bernice even flagged down a taxi to ask wheter the driver knew where was the church.he dint.stupid driver.then we met feng nan and realised that the maps were drawn wrongly-thnks ALOT edwin!-and he showed us where to go..we met yang hui and ivan at the supposed "st. george's chapel", but the banner hanging outside of the church said "presbytarian......smth"..yah then they told us to walk up a slope which was leading to OCH, where we would meet uncle peng soon hiding in the trees trying to scare us..it was SO not scary loh..he was wrapped up in a black garbage bag and he jumped out from some bushes..and he said "boo!"...*no comments*...haha...yah..then we walked back to the chalet and washed up and bathed.i crawled into my sleepign bag at abt 1.40 in the morning.

2nd day-

woke up at 7 and found out tat i forgot to switch off my mp3 player after listening to it at night and wasted one batt.darn.yah.brushed my teeth at the kitchen sink.felt abit weird.hahh.made feeble attempts to wake the rest of the bleary-eyed girls up but to no avail.sigh.did QT first in the room, then on the sofa, and finally outside of the chalet cos the girls in the chalet were making so much noise that i couldnt concentrate. we gathered at the "usual meeting point" and had breakfast.felt a little like the last supper loh.hahh.we were like tearing the bread and passing it on to the next person.so fun.then we played water games!!..whee!!..the games were so stupid..shant bother to explain.want to know then ask me.hahh.i got really wet cos taufiqUE splashed water on me(accidently or purposely?)..went to change n got ready for lunch..i ate lunch on the steps with pris, pei ling, CM and YQ..i tink..hah..i cldnt finish it and so i gave it to CM..he sure got BIG appetite..after that we play game again.this time its DRY games..norman's game and cliff's game were the worst..in norman's games we had to put our hands into a bucket full of digusting stuff to find twenty marbles..u know wad junk they put in there?...hahal chicken rice, chilli, a LOG, sand, OIL, forks!!, and alot more stupid stuff then mixmixmix..eww......then cliff's one was smth like twister.but its numbered lah.i did the thing with bern and i had to do smth like a split..yai-eow!!..after the game i told cliff to buy for me some muscle ache cream..hahah..we had group time after that to plan our skit for performance night.our group did the story of abraham sacrificing his son issac that story super funny loh..oh yah forgot to intro my group members to you..Stanford.the group leader..TaufiqUE.the funny guy..Malcolm.the act act guy..Michelle."power" girl..Mavis.laugh non-stop..Daniel."taxi" guy( he's abit weird.he picks stuff like a twig and gives them to me..-_-")..Berwin.quiet guy..Victor.act-smart guy..and Bern.my best fren.. and me.the blur queen:)..heeh..yep that's GISHON.yup and abt the skit i tmw then write lah..im dying.its 1205 in the morning..and i have tuition tmw..ciao..continue tmw..*yawn*..

just slapped.

2004-11-19T23:45:00.000-08:00

i just got slapped.and its not a very nice feeling.

"im lost without you..."

siann.

2004-11-16T21:39:00.001-08:00

my grandfather was finally discharged ystd from ttsh.damn hospital.so lagg..so sloppy.had to wait two hours for some stupid doc to sign the discharge papers.today was supposed to go for maths tuition but it was cancelled.dunno why.ystd i went to the american club with my aunt.rich aunt lah.went to borrow books from their library.so cool lor.one person can borrow seven or eight books.i forgot.i borrowed six and so far hav finished two.aiyah.siansiansian lah.gna listen to some music now.ciao.

"on the way down...
i almost fell right through...
but i held on to you...."

energized.

2004-11-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

came back from camp on saturday afternoon...then sleep...and sleep...and sleep...heh..yeah..the camp was so shiok loh...haha...the sec2s went for kayaking first...then i got paired up with edward...while kayaking all i had to do was to paddle while he did all the turning and the chim stuff...haha..very relax sia...on the way back to camp we passed some kelongs and i could hear barks coming from some of them and even saw some dogs in the kelongs...so cute...imagine living in a kelong...so cool...everyday open door can swim liao...hahahx...yah...back at camp we rinsed off and went for lunch...after that it rained so we had indoor rock climbing...very scary leh...the "rocks"on the wall were like..so tiny....and made it so difficult to climb...but most of us PECs managed to scale the wall...then the rain miraculously stopped and we went outdoors to some rope challenge thingy...so darn scary...nearly fell a few times...and kept looking up to heaven...hahah...following that we went to do abseiling and flying fox...many of us dint get to do the flying fox...so sad...i wanted to try but dint get the chance...i did the abseiling instead...Mr gauge(did i spell correctly?..heh) kept telling me to lean back and i was like no cannot...scared me half to death sia...but got thru it lah...then went for dinner...all of us really stinked by then and we still dint get a chance to bathe...after that we had a reflection period of time in which we stated wad we planned to achieve next yr and i put under discipline "not getting caught by Mrs wong too often.." heehx...yah...then we had our nightwalk...very creepy...it was totally dark and when Mr Koh was explaining to us abt the nightwalk, he looked like a ghost cos it was so dark...i tink i must have had a terrified look on my face cos eldon kept telling me not to be scared and that he was behind me...in the walk he caught up with me and we were walking together...hahahha...then mr lim was hiding in the bushes...so fake loh...hahah...then we had to squat down somewhere and sanjoy used his stupid stick to fling up some stones and one of them hit my eye...damn pain sia...then i lost eldon and was paired up with rina and we walked the rest of the way and then back to camp where we took the first and last shower of our stay in the MOE campsite...hah...then we had supper and after that went back to our bunks to play and at 1am ,the lights went off and we went to sleep...i dint really have a good nite's rest and kept waking up ...yah...next day we had some team building games and our team name was named after our "handsome" group leader ...ho ho ho yang cheng...hahahah....yah...we did alot of funny activities...too many to say...hahah...then when we were about to go home i called my mum and found out that i had got into 3-2 and i was laughing hysterically after that...prb aftereffects of shock..hahah...yah...that's abt all...so fun...i want to do it all again!!!!.....

"if i had wings i would fly
cos all that i need...you are
and if the world caved in around me
to you i'd still hold on
cos you're all that i believe
and the one that created me
JESUS bcos of you.....
im free!!!............"

fear.

2004-11-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

heyy..new blog here..haven't been updating for ages already..well...the exams and stuff..yahh..tomorrow i'll be off to p.e capt camp...argh...havent packed yet..later need to pack liao..im very scared of saturday..results day!!!...God help me pls..im scared half to death already..hai...anyway..later im going for part two of training for a children's camp that i will be attending..learn all those kidddy action songs..."my God is so big...so strong and so mighty there's nth my God cannot do..For you...and you!"...hahah...gtg now..update tmw maybe...

"open up my heart
and you will find,
this fire burns so deep,
it burns so bright
for you......."